Woke up this morning to the phone ringing, since it was six I immediately guessed it was the hospital. So I picked up the phone while Bob was on the other line to eavesdrop. Sure enough, my grandma was down to taking breathes only once every 20 seconds or so and they wanted the family down to say their goodbyes.
Bob left first, then me, then mom.
I didn't make it in time.
Bob did though, which is whats important. He gave her a quick kiss and said "go be with dad" and that was it.
Nurses let me and my mom go in to say our goodbyes. For a brief moment I didn't want to see her. I am personally terrified of death, the thought of nothing is my worst nightmare.
But I went in, and I'll spare you details on an alreayd too detailed entry. Which I appologise for, but writing is the way I deal and this is my tool to use. :(
So we prayed, and I kissed her goodbye.
* * * * * * * * * *
I saw her yesterday, and she looked worse then ever. She had no idea who I was.
For a brief moment I hated mankind for what we've accomplished in medicine. My grandma had been suffering for over a month, and because of the wonder of medicine it only prolonged it.
Sometimes I think we treat our pets better then we do our own kind. We would never let the family dog suffer like that, we put it to rest.
Not saying that thats how I think we should go about it, but there are times where I don't understand why anyone would want to try and help prolong an inevitable deteriorating condition.
Hope I guess?
Not at that age...
I'm just frustrated.
Sorry to everyone to chose to read this >_<
But Grandma, I love you.
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